Training in the art of neutralizing disagreements
The Universe is abundant with experiences, however, this causes some disturbances in the world of ego. Only the inability to deal with differences and the narrow one point of view leads us to experience everlasting inner instability, suffering, contrast, controversy, war, and lack of harmony in all types of relationships.
All these experiences of saturation are necessary for consciousness development to validate that the information we’ve been using to deal with them does not work. Only then, will we be willing to use new Tools of Love to support our personal growth with less contrast.
Differences are part of our daily lives. Ego’s techniques and strategies are founded on beliefs that feed two simple principles: flee or attack. However, these techniques are not effective and leave always controversy or discomfort in one or both parties involved because their origin is fear itself.
Learning to enjoy differences, seeing them as growth opportunities, and dealing with them from a space of love-consciousness, require expanding our vision and understanding that our ego is the only obstacle that prevents us from flowing and reaching everlasting levels of satisfaction.
The purpose of the work of consciousness is to transcend ego’s strategies of control to be able to experience deeper layers 0f comprehension of Love. The result of this work brings the satisfaction of living more experiences of Peace, Happiness, and Love.
Isn’t this what we all look for?
Communication is more than talking; harmonious communication is a result of knowing how to say what you want to say in a pleasant way. That allows understanding and acceptance from those receiving the message.
From a space of ego, when differences are presented, we can easily fall into a limiting, passive or aggressive, imposing, and manipulative communication, because this is how we communicate with ourselves; as a consequence, we end up generating unwanted and unpleasant results at work, with family, partners, and or social relationships.
Keys to communicating effectively while dealing with differences
Every day we have the opportunity to train ourselves in the art of neutralizing differences and communicating more effectively. Here are some of them:
1. Establish a clear purpose
- Ego in automatic doesn’t look for solutions because it requires a bigger effort than generating problems. All differences teach us something. It is important to understand that during the whole process, the purpose of all communication is to improve our current condition. Consciousness is always willing to learn, grow, capitalize, and look for solutions, in other words, to evolve. This reminder is often enough to be thankful and bring ego on track and to be able to see the situation as an opportunity rather than an event to avoid or confront.
2. Generate the optimal conditions
- Look for the right moment and space to discuss the matter at hand. Ego’s reactivity doesn’t allow us to see clearly and be objective and realistic.
- Highlight others’ values before talking about the subject that generates tension.
- Start the dialogue by making sure rules of engagement are in place, for constructive conversation, avoiding controversy.
- Make sure to capture clear expectations from each side.
- Do not take the situation as personal (“you’re like this or like that”), situations do not have a name.
3. Let go of the past, create a new future.
- Identify the causes of the unwanted result just to contemplate the different options that can yield a better result (there are always plenty)
- Ego often tends to build security and takes over by showing that “it knows everything ”. Don’t fall into this trap. If you don’t have the answer to a question, avoid showing something untrue. Openly admit that you don’t know, relax your mind and show your willingness to seek the right information and to learn.
- Seek an inconclusive dialogue, with reflections that lead to search and contemplate different options.
- Never talk about the past, because it cannot be changed, talk about the present and what it can project into the future.
4. Generate trust
- Speak with a tone of voice and expressions of harmony and eliminate any kind of visual, body, or sound expression that gives way to aggression or defense. Even silence in some moments can be offensive. If you need silence to think and not to react, say it so, ask for space and time! Do your best to use non-imposing and non-offensive language.
- Listen to the message that the other wants to communicate and don’t get stuck in your feelings.
- Do not interrupt unless the other person has finished.
- Imagine yourself as the other person while facing differences, walk a mile in the other’s shoes and do your best to understand the cause that generates the discomfort.
- Free yourself from interpretations. Clarify that what you understood is what the other person meant to say. Repeat what you understood and make sure the message went through successfully. It can happen that we claim that the message was understood when in reality we are talking about two different concepts or perceptions.
- Express yourself clearly, in a precise and direct manner. Transparency allows setting the cards on the table and therefore generating the right solutions.
- Eliminate any type of blame or guilt from the equation.
5. Take responsibility
- Speak only for yourself, take on the role you own, stop pointing to the other as the one responsible for what you’re feeling. Feelings are generated by your own interpretations of the facts.
- Never take for granted what the other person thinks. Extending yourself in the justification of limits is going in never-ending circles.
- It’s important to observe the limitations to prevent us from falling on them and to come up with solutions.
- Presume that the other person has a reason as valid as yours.
- Think the best of the other person.
- Never look for culprits, look for solutions.
6. Establish agreements
- Wanting to change the other, imposing, making him or her do something for your benefit, generate a lot of resistance and very little commitment.
- Mistakes are vital to evolve. They are not as bad as we have culturally learned. They are only unwanted results that enable us, depending on our attitude, to learn to obtain wanted results. We all make mistakes! No judgment, guilt, or condemnation can rectify a mistake. A mistake is only corrected through a different action.
- In all differences, there’s a potential to achieve a middle ground. Freeing ourselves from feeling the only owners of decisions, and having a less selfish and broader vision of our consciousness, allows us to observe every situation with neutrality. Differences can then be evened out by giving the best of ourselves. It’s here where the commitment of each party to overcome obstacles and appreciate the relationship above all else is measured.
- Consciousness is always open to compromise because what matters is to create something new for the good of all, to make commitments supported by agreements that benefit both parties, but never threaten.
- Take it as a game, in the end, that’s life! a process full of experiences where the only thing that matters, is the lesson we learn along the way.
- Everything you do will be done with serenity and you will get better results than if you deal with them in angst or stress.