Training in the neutralization of disagreements and mastering harmony in communication
The Universe is abundant with experiences, however, this causes some disturbances in the ego. It’s the inability to deal with differences and wanting things the way it wants, that leads us to experience everlasting instability, suffering, war and contrast internally, and of course, results in lacking of harmony externally.
While all these experiences are necessary for conscience development, when we experience saturation and verify that what we’ve been using to deal with those experiences does not work, only then will we be willing to use new tools of Love to support our personal growth more smoothly and with less contrast.
Differences are part of our daily lives. The ego’s techniques are originated from two simple principles: run away or defend. However, these techniques are not effective and leave a disturbance or discomfort in one or both parties involved because their origin is fear itself.
Learn to enjoy differences, see them as growth opportunities and to deal with them from consciousness, requires expanding our vision and understanding that our ego is the only obstacle that prevents us from flowing and reaching everlasting levels of satisfaction.
The purpose of the work of consciousness is to step away from the ego’s control and to get closer to a deep understanding of Love. The result of this work is the great satisfaction of living Peace, Happiness, and Love.
Isn’t this what we all look for?
Communication is more than talking; communication with harmony is knowing how to say what you want to say in a pleasant way that allows understanding and acceptance from those receiving the message. Unconsciously, we are accustomed to a limiting, aggressive, imposing and manipulative communication when differences are presented; because this is how we communicate with ourselves, therefore often we get terrible results in our work, family, partner and social relations.
Up next, you are going to find a few keys to communicate effectively while dealing with differences. Every day we have the opportunity to train ourselves in the neutralization of communication and in the usage of these keys. Check them out!
1. Establish a clear purpose
- The ego doesn’t look for solutions because it requires a bigger effort than generating problems. All differences teach us something. We need to understand that during the whole process, the purpose of all communication is to improve our current condition. The purpose of conscience is to learn, grow, capitalize, and look for solutions, in other words, to evolve. This is enough to be thankful as the opportunity presents itself
2. Generate the optimal conditions
- Look for the right moment and space to discuss the matter at hand. The ego reactivity doesn’t allow one to see clearly and being objective and realistic.
- Highlight others’ values before talking about the subject that generates tension.
- Start the dialogue by making sure the rules are set in a way that, even the differences cannot destroy, but build.
- Make sure to have clear expectations from each side.
- Do not take the situation as personal (“you’re like this or like that”), situations do not have a name.
3. Let go of the past, create a new future.
- Identify the causes of the unwanted result just to contemplate the different options that can yield a better result (there are always plenty)
- The ego often tends to feel secure and take over showing “everything it knows”. Don’t fall into its trap. If you don’t have the answer to a question, avoid showing something untrue. Openly admit that you don’t know, relax your mind and show your willingness to seek the right information and to learn.
- Seek an inconclusive dialogue, with reflections that lead to search and contemplate different options.
- Never talk about the past, because it cannot be changed, talk about the present and what it can project into the future.
4. Generate trust
- Talk with a tone of voice and expressions of harmony and eliminate any kind of visual, body or sound expression that gives way to aggression or defense. Even silence in some moments can be offensive. If you need silence to think and not to react, say it so, ask for space and time! Use a non-imposing, non-forbidding or non-offensive language.
- Listen to the message that the other wants to communicate and don’t get stuck in your feelings.
- Do not interrupt unless the other person has finished.
- Imagine yourself as the other person while facing differences, walk a mile in his shoes and understand the cause generating his or her discomfort.
- Free yourself from interpretations. Clarify that what you understood is what the other person meant to say. Repeat what you understood and make sure the message went through successfully. It can happen that we claim that the message was understood when in reality we are talking about two different things.
- Express yourself clearly and in a precise and straight way. Transparency allows setting the cards on the table and therefore generating the right solutions.
- Never use an aggressive tone nor blame anybody of anything.
5. Take responsibility
- Talk in first person and take on the role you own, stop pointing to the other as the one responsible for what you’re feeling. Feelings are generated by your interpretations of the facts.
- Never take for granted what the other person thinks. Extending yourself in the justification of limits is going in never-ending circles.
- It’s important to observe the limitations to prevent us from falling on them and to come up with solutions.
- Presume that the other person has a reason as valid as yours.
- Think the best of the other person.
- Never look for culprits, look for solutions.
6. Establish agreements
- Wishing to change somebody, imposing things, making him or her do something, generates a lot of resistance and very little commitment.
- Mistakes are vital to evolve. They are not as bad as we have culturally learned. They are an unwanted result that enables us depending on our attitude, to learning to obtain wanted results. We all make mistakes! No judgment, guilt or condemnation can rectify a mistake. A mistake is corrected through a different action
- In all differences, there’s a potential to achieve a middle ground. Freeing ourselves from feeling as leaders from the decisions, and having a less selfish and broader vision of our conscience, allows us to observe every situation with neutrality. Differences can then be evened out by giving the best of ourselves. It’s here where the commitment of each party to overcome obstacles and appreciate the relationship above all else is measured.
- From consciousness, there is an openness to compromise, to create something new, to make commitments supported by agreements that benefit both parties, but never threats.
- Take it as a game, in the end, that’s life a process full of experiences where the only things that matter, are the lessons we learn along the way.
- Everything you do will be done with serenity and you will get better results than if you deal with them in angst or stress.